Baffled Entry?

It was a routine day as usual, or should it be called a routine depressed day?

I tried to preoccupy my mind with some casual research and writing. But, that didn’t seem to work.

I tried every other possible stuff that a human could do to curb the overflowing storm of thoughts.

From overeating to intense workouts.

Stepping out of the house, to curl up in a cozy comforter.

Why am I not able to get over stuff in my life?

Is it me?

I mean this is an era of Tinder and hookups.

Am I way too numb to a person or overly attached?  Or probably detached.?

I mean I don’t think I’m meant for hookups.

Not my kinda stuff.

Then Why am I afraid of commitments?

What is stopping me from even communicating with a person and knowing about them?

That surge of self-doubt and questioning was never-ending.

‘Just at the right moment, a person entered her life.

Her journal changed entirely, but was she really over her skepticism?’

Dear Diary,

I know things were too quick for him. But, you know what? This person is really good. And his thoughts.

The way he makes my mind stop and think logically for a moment.

I mean the way he makes me feel.

Admires me.

Or look at me.

This stuff is scary af.

I am not sure of anything.

But he says, I am behaving like a toad in a pond.

Am I really?

Should I really leave my cocoon and fly to see the reality.

This guy is cute, smart, intelligent and all.

But will this really work?

I mean I need to understand myself to explain him the actual issue.

Or Am I really perceiving life in a marginal way?

I don’t think I can ever understand myself.

But how to convey.

Those drunk nights.

Midnight rooftop talks. Full moonlight, Beer, and some real conversations.

Yes, I miss those.

And yes, I miss the hugs too.

I might not be able to explain stuff.

But, all I know is I am the craziest and most fussy person, which leads to real complications.

Maybe I am just scared to accept the fact that I am really into this person.

Or This is just another panic attack that is pulling me back.

I pen down stuff and take you on a roller coaster of awe. But I intend to stop here and not to bother you more.

Cya Candy. (Diary)

 

-VSR

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