It was a routine day as usual, or should it be called a routine depressed day?
I tried to preoccupy my mind with some casual research and writing. But, that didn’t seem to work.
I tried every other possible stuff that a human could do to curb the overflowing storm of thoughts.
From overeating to intense workouts.
Stepping out of the house, to curl up in a cozy comforter.
Why am I not able to get over stuff in my life?
Is it me?
I mean this is an era of Tinder and hookups.
Am I way too numb to a person or overly attached? Or probably detached.?
I mean I don’t think I’m meant for hookups.
Not my kinda stuff.
Then Why am I afraid of commitments?
What is stopping me from even communicating with a person and knowing about them?
That surge of self-doubt and questioning was never-ending.
‘Just at the right moment, a person entered her life.
Her journal changed entirely, but was she really over her skepticism?’
I know things were too quick for him. But, you know what? This person is really good. And his thoughts.
The way he makes my mind stop and think logically for a moment.
I mean the way he makes me feel.
Or look at me.
This stuff is scary af.
I am not sure of anything.
But he says, I am behaving like a toad in a pond.
Am I really?
Should I really leave my cocoon and fly to see the reality.
This guy is cute, smart, intelligent and all.
But will this really work?
I mean I need to understand myself to explain him the actual issue.
Or Am I really perceiving life in a marginal way?
I don’t think I can ever understand myself.
But how to convey.
Those drunk nights.
Midnight rooftop talks. Full moonlight, Beer, and some real conversations.
Yes, I miss those.
And yes, I miss the hugs too.
I might not be able to explain stuff.
But, all I know is I am the craziest and most fussy person, which leads to real complications.
Maybe I am just scared to accept the fact that I am really into this person.
Or This is just another panic attack that is pulling me back.
I pen down stuff and take you on a roller coaster of awe. But I intend to stop here and not to bother you more.
Cya Candy. (Diary)